


no voice

by lostin_space



Series: No Voice [1]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Anxiety, Developing Relationship, Flirting, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, no alien stuff, selective mutism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-12
Updated: 2020-02-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:07:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22675327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostin_space/pseuds/lostin_space
Summary: Alex doesn't speak, but Michael is determined to get to know him.
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Series: No Voice [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1831486
Comments: 49
Kudos: 234





	no voice

**Author's Note:**

> I did research on selective mutism, but I'm not perfect so I apologize if this is a bad representation. This is highkey inspired by that weird wave of wattpad fics back in like 2014 where it was super romantic for a girl to be mute and the bad boy learned sign language to talk to her. Yeah it was lame. Yeah I read like 50 when i was 15.
> 
> if i missed any tags, please let me know!

Alex Manes didn’t speak.

Michael watched him from afar for the entirety of middle school and high school. He’d seen people like and prod him to get him to speak. He’d seen people make fun of him and teachers dock his grade for refusing to speak. He’d even seen Alex’s father drag him out of detention, scolding all the way. No, Alex didn’t speak, but Michael seemed to be the only one who didn’t mind.

Well, that’s not entirely true. Alex had friends. Liz Ortecho and Maria DeLuca hung around him, never forcing him to talk yet managing to include him anyway. Perhaps it was creepy that Michael had noticed all these things, but Alex was too interesting not to pay attention to.

It was only when Michael became increasingly aware that he was running out of time with graduation approaching in just a few months that he realized he needed to do something. He needed to at least try to get to know Alex or he’d regret it for the rest of his life.

“Hey,” Michael said, standing beside Maria, Liz, and Alex’s lunch table. They looked up to him with various stages of confusion on their faces. “Uh… Can I sit with you guys?”

They all looked between each other, clearly trying to come up with the nicest way to say ‘I’d rather stab myself in the jugular’. They came up with nothing which is how Michael ended up sitting with them for lunch.

The first half was completely silent which was awkward as hell. Michael realized that he’d bombarded them with his presence, so it was probably his duty to create conversation. He looked between the three unfairly attractive group of people and tried to think of something to talk about. Before he could come up with anything, they all looked at him simultaneously as if they’d shared a goddamn mental conversation.

“Okay, I’ve decided that there are only three reasons you could be sitting with us. You’re either here to hit on one of us, to ask for tutoring, or because you were dared. Which is it?” Maria said bluntly. Michael’s eyes widened and had to wonder how many times that had happened that they had a  _ list _ . And, more importantly, he was embarrassed that he fucking fell into that list. Not that he could admit that. He wanted to hit on Alex, but he had no idea if Alex was gay, straight, or something else entirely and he had no intention of outing anyone. It didn’t help that Alex didn’t actually speak so he couldn’t even find out. Maybe this was a bad idea…

“Ever think I’m just trying to make friends?” Michael tried. 

“Four months before we graduate? Try again,” Maria said. He glared at her for a second before remembering she didn’t actually deserve to be glared at. Michael sighed and looked to Alex. As always, his face was expressionless and he was looking down at his untouched plate. His shoulders were hunched and his hands were in his lap. It didn’t take a genius to see that Michael’s presence was making him uncomfortable. Great. Way to fucking go. 

“Fine, I-I need help with calculus,” Michael lied, “But it’s fine, I’ll figure it out.”

Michael started to get up and take the loss, but Liz stopped him. “Wait.”

“No, seriously, I’m not trying to impose myself,” he said. That was the truth. He’d spent years trying to get the courage to speak to Alex and, when he finally tried, he made him uncomfortable. He just wanted to go slam his head into a locker‒was that so hard to ask?

“Look, Alex and I study calc every Thursday at The Crashdown after school. If you show up, I won’t  _ not  _ help you,” Liz said. Michael looked at her and then to Alex who didn’t seem to have any opinion on the matter. Michael took a deep breath and decided he’d try one more time.

“Okay.”

-

Rule one to asking for math help: you have to actually act like you don’t know what you’re doing.

“You don’t actually need help,” Liz pointed out about fifteen minutes into their study session. Michael stared at her blankly and it occurred to him that he hadn’t actually tried to pretend he was confused. Again, as always, Alex wasn’t apart of the conversation. Michael wanted to know how he communicated. So far, he hadn’t figured it out.

“Um,” Michael said. He couldn’t come up with a good excuse anymore, so he instead said nothing.

“Look,” Liz sighed, “You can study with us still. I don’t mind. Just don’t lie.”

“Okay, I won’t,” Michael promised. She stared at him for a minute. 

“Right, I’ll be right back, you good, Alex?” Liz asked. Alex made no move to respond, but she touched his shoulder for a few seconds and seemed to get an answer from that. She got up and disappeared into the back.

This was Michael’s chance.

“So…” he started. Alex’s eyes stayed on the book in front of him, showing his work with the complex equations. Michael didn’t know how to go about this. He decided to go full stupid and speak his mind. “The real reason I’m here is because I want to get to know you.” Alex stopped writing. “You can kick me if I go too far or say too much, but I’ve been wanting to get to know you for a long time. I look at you and… I don’t know, maybe I’m just superficial, but you’re gorgeous.”

Michael could see Alex get tense and he could see the way he clutched his pencil. His nails dug into his palm. He’d fucked up.

“I’m sorry. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable,” Michael said, very quickly trying to gather his things so he didn’t make it worse. But then Alex looked up at him. He didn’t hold eye contact or even really make it in the first place, but it was  _ something.  _ Alex Manes didn’t do that. Michael didn’t know how to take it. “Can I give you my number? If you don’t want to use it, I understand, I won’t be mad, but… Can I?”

Alex’s movements were so subtle and controlled. It was hard to fully grasp. However, his phone ended up on the table between them. Michael blinked a few times before he very quickly gave the man his number. Maybe he wouldn’t ever use it, but he got further than he thought he would.

Liz sat back down after a minute with a tray of fries and Alex went back to putting his phone in his lap. Michael was on cloud nine, unable to hide his smile as he looked to Liz. She raised her eyebrow as she looked at him.

“Why are you smiley over calculus?” Liz asked. Michael tried to dial it back, but he found that literally impossible. Alex stole one look at him and it made it worse.

“I’m just… really happy I finally got down the application of triple integrals,” Michael said. She eyed him skeptically but didn’t press.

Alex ignored him for the rest of the night and it was still enough to make him skip all the way home.

-

“Hey, Mom, can I ask you a question?”

Michael watched his mother take the time to dry her hands from doing breakfast dishes and sit beside him before asking him to continue, her eyes wide with interest.

“Have you ever dealt with, like, kids that didn’t speak? Like that all?” Michael asked. Her head tilted to the side, her corkscrew curls squishing against her shoulder. 

“Like mutism? Sure, a few times,” she answered.

“Do you know what causes it? Or do they just not like to? How do you talk to them or get them to talk or even just, like, communicate?” Michael asked. 

“Whoa, slow down,” she laughed, her hand covering his, “Where’s all this coming from?”

Michael sighed, trying to think of the best way to say ‘I like a boy and he doesn’t speak and I gave him my number two days ago and he hasn’t texted me’. Of course, there wasn’t a best way to say that, so he just settled for half of the story. 

“There’s a guy at school who doesn’t speak and I don’t know how to go about it without being rude,” Michael said. Her mouth formed an ‘o’ shape as she nodded.

Ingrid Guerin was a social worker assigned to Michael when he was just three years old. She had gone to college and gotten a degree to teach children with special needs, but decided that she wanted to become a social worker with “problem” children instead. By the time Michael was three, he’d already been labeled a problem child and got passed onto her. According to her stories, he was sweet to her and couldn’t figure out where the problems laid until she would get frantic calls at four in the morning because he was screaming at the top of his lungs and drawing on furniture and fighting anyone who got near him. 

She watched him get passed from family to family, each one only being able to handle him for about six months before they wanted him gone. She was the only real constant in his life and the only one who seemed to understand that he just needed affection that people refused to give him. According to her stories that she told him very regularly, though, when he was eight years old, he accidentally called her ‘mama’ and she decided she couldn’t stand watching him be rejected anymore. Within a few months, she moved out of his jurisdiction and became his foster mom until she could adopt him three years later. She was his favorite person in the world.

“Well, I can’t tell you exactly where it stems because there’s a lot of different reasons someone becomes mute. Most of the time, though, they’re just born that way. Genetic social anxiety can show its face really young which can cause selective mutism and it takes a lot of therapy to even become manageable. But then there’s stuff like traumatic mutism which is something different, but it can overlap occasionally if someone who has selective mutism has repeatedly negative reinforcement about it. But, obviously, everyone is different and I don’t know this kid, so it could be a number of things,” she tried. Michael scrunched up his nose and accepted that the answer was a long, detailed ‘I don’t know’.

“How do I talk to him?”

“Um,” his mom said, humming to herself as she tapped against the back of his hand, “Maybe you don’t? Most of the children I’ve met who don’t speak take best to when there’s absolutely no pressure. Just… If you do talk, don’t make it feel like he has any obligation to speak back. So he knows you’re just trying to be nice. But it’s a very, very tricky thing.”

“He has two friends. I don’t know if he speaks to them or not, but he hangs out with them,” Michael said.

“Well, sometimes people with mutism can still speak to people they’re extremely comfortable with, even if it’s just in whispers. And, honestly, that’s what it is at the end of the day. It’s about comfort. It causes major anxiety for these people to even walk out of their house and be around other people. It can be paralyzing. They’re probably people he feels the most comfortable with,” she explained. Michael nodded slowly as he tried to think of ways to make Alex Manes feel comfortable with him.

“And… how do I do that?” he asked. His mom smiled and shook her head.

“I don’t know, babe, that’s something you have to find out,” she told him. He groaned.

“What’s the point of having a mom who knows this stuff if she can’t help me?” 

She grinned and ruffled his head, smacking a kiss to his head before hopping off the bar stool. “Because I feed you. Now get to school.”

He couldn’t help but smile and listen. 

“Love you, Mama!”

“Love you too, Mikey!”

-

“So, I was thinking about you and I think you would like this movie I watched.”

Alex very slightly looked up at Michael as he sat across from him in the empty Calculus room, but it was enough to show that he was paying attention so Michael took it as a win. On his trek to school, he decided that he would simply pay very close attention to Alex’s body language to see when he should go away.

“Well, I’m assuming you would like it. I like it, so I hope you would. It’s called In The Mood For Love. It’s a movie from Hong Kong so it’s, like, not in English, but I  _ bet  _ you might like it. And if I’m talking too much or you want me to leave, don’t be afraid to kick me,” Michael said. He was absolutely hallucinating, but it seemed like Alex’s blank face was a little closer to a smile than it was a frown and wasn’t that just beautiful? “So it’s about this woman and her husband who live right next door to another couple, right, and the woman finds out her husband is cheating on her and then the man next door finds out  _ his wife  _ is cheating on him. Then they find out their spouses are cheating  _ together!  _ It’s batshit.”

Michael spent the next ten minutes explaining the plot to the movie with no expectation for Alex to jump in, just to inform. At some point, Alex began to look up at him. Not in the eye or anything, but his face was turned towards him like he didn’t want to stop. Michael didn’t even know how to respond, so he started to drag the plot of the movie out even longer. 

Eventually, though, students began to filter in and he had to stop. It was a damn shame. He was feeling awfully confident.

“Anyway, so, I don’t do it any justice. The cinematography is literally gorgeous. If you ever wanted to, like, come over and watch it, you could,” Michael offered, his body involuntarily moving forward whenever Alex looked down again, “Or-or not. I could just explain movies to you every day. I watch a lot of movies.”

Alex didn’t say anything, not like Michael was expecting him too. To take away any pressure he might’ve given, he stood up.

“You have my number. And you can still kick me whenever,” Michael promised before going to his own seat.

The class went by with him stealing glances over at Alex the entire time. It was hard not to look at him. Alex was fucking gorgeous. He had dark hair and dark eyes and wore all black which was lovely on its own, but he had the face of a fucking  _ god  _ which was unfair. Michael remembered being totally starstruck the first time he saw him back in middle school. It only got harder to deny with each year.

Michael sat with them at lunch again and Alex wasn’t nearly as slumped over. Win.

-

The locker slammed shut.

Michael jumped and looked over to the culprit, eyes wide as Maria just glared at him. He didn’t know why, but that glare made him feel guilty for everything wrong he’d ever done in his entire life. He wasn’t sure exactly what those wrong things  _ were  _ and yet, here he was, about to apologize for them.

“I don’t know what the hell you think you’re doing, but if this is some kind of joke to fuck with Alex’s feelings, you need to stop right now,” she said sharply. Michael blinked a few times in confusion, but soon understood what she was saying. He hadn’t done much. Alex hadn’t even texted him or anything, but they always got to Calc early and Michael would talk to him about whatever was on his mind and Alex would listen like he was sitting at a live podcast. Michael thought it was unbearably cute. So cute, he even loaned him his Big Eden DVD.

“I’m not trying to hurt his feelings. I like talking to him,” Michael insisted. Maria pursed his lips.

“What’s the endgame here?” she asked, “Alex is… Alex is my best friend and I’m not going to let him get hurt by some fucking guy who is forcing himself into his life who just wants to mess with him. He told me you gave him your number, what’s that about?”

Michael held his breath, trying to figure out what he was supposed to say. He didn’t want to say too much and he didn’t want her to get the wrong idea. Whatever he told her, she was going to relay back to Alex. He knew that. 

“I  _ like  _ Alex,” Michael admitted, “I might not know him that well, but… I really want to.”

Maria narrowed her eyes at him, “You  _ like  _ like him?”

“Yeah.”

Maria stayed still for a while, eyeing him and judging him. He let her.

“What do you get out of this, huh? He’s not going to speak to you,” Maria said. Michael shrugged.

“Yeah, but he can text me and I can get to know him that way,” Michael said, “Look, I know you’re just being protective. I get that. But… I like him.”

Maria swallowed slowly, furrowing her eyebrows. “Why do I feel like you have an ulterior motive?”

“Because you don’t want him to get hurt,” Michael filled in, “But I won’t hurt him.”

“If you do, I will not hesitate to push you off a cliff,” she said. Michael smiled at her as sincerely as possible despite the fact that she was concerningly serious.

“Deal.”

She stared at him for a few seconds longer before pulling a Sharpie from her backpack and grabbing his arm. He watched as she scribbled a number on his skin.

“He isn’t going to text you first,” she said. Maria gave him one last look before turning and walking away. Michael could hear her badass theme music in his head.

Score.

-

_ Michael: Hey :) _

“The smiley face was too much, I shouldn’t have added a smiley face.”

“I genuinely don’t think the smiley face has anything to do with it.”

Michael gave an appalled look to Isobel who sat on his couch while he paced back and forth. Max was passed out on the recliner, balled up around a pillow as if to make himself smaller. He’d clearly spent the night reading and was now spending his Saturday sleeping. They were now politely whispering around him about Michael’s crisis.

“So you’re saying he just doesn’t want to talk to me at all?” Michael asked.

“I’m  _ saying  _ that maybe he’s pacing right now in front of Maria and Liz to help him figure out how to respond,” she said, scooting forward, “I mean, you texted him at, what, 10:30 last night? He might’ve been asleep and then by the time he woke up it was hours after you sent it and now he’s not sure if he should respond.”

“Okay, that’s… valid,” Michael sighed, falling onto the couch beside her, “I’m just so nervous that he isn’t into me. Like, I’m really putting myself out there, Izzy.”

“I know,” she said, draping her arm around him, “But I’m sure he does. Or, if he doesn’t, he doesn’t seem the type to be a dick.”

“Okay, but he’s got anxiety, probably, right? So, like, what if he  _ feels  _ bad that I’m into him and feels obligated to go out with me because of that and we have a relationship that’s just him feeling bad for being hetero.”

“Michael, you are actually overreacting now.” 

Before Michael could say anything else, his phone buzzed on the coffee table. They both froze.

Then, like the dumbass he was, Max stirred and reached for it out of habit and put it to his ear. They both snorted.

“Hello?” he asked groggily despite the fact that it wasn’t a call and it wasn’t his phone.

“Give me that, go back to sleep,” Michael said, snatching it from his hand. Max simply hummed in response and cuddled back into his pillow. “We need to ban him from night reading if he can’t do it responsibly.”

Isobel sighed, “I keep telling Mom that, but she won’t.”

They both gave quiet laughs which effectively took away some of the stress off this very stressful situation. Michael leaned back into the couch and into Isobel’s side as he opened the text. There it was in its shiny glory.

“Hey,” Isobel read aloud.

“Oh, God, he thinks I’m annoying,” Michael whined, dropping it.

“What? Where did you get that from? He just said hey!” 

“That’s what you say when you don’t want to talk.”

“Michael,  _ you  _ said hey.”

“With a smiley face! Which means: hey, smiley face, I want to talk to you, smiley face, no pressure though, smiley face.”

“...you need to stop watching whatever the hell you’re watching that is making you think like this.”

_ “Izzy.” _

“Give me your phone,” she said, holding her hand out. Michael almost said no, but she had that no-nonsense look on her face and he learned quite young to never disobey that look. He handed over the phone.

He watched her with a horrific level of nerves as she typed away for a few seconds. When she handed it out, he looked with wide eyes to see what she sent.

_ Michael: this is now where I request your opinion on Big Eden  _

“What if he thinks that’s mean and pressuring?” Michael asked, worry in his tone. Isobel rolled her eyes.

“He won’t. He’s got all the time in the world to answer, no stress.”

Michael sighed and tried not to look too completely terrified whenever Alex didn’t immediately respond. After about ten minutes, Isobel took the phone away and put it on the coffee table so he wouldn’t stare at it until he got a response.

“Stop looking so defeated, it’s gonna be fine,” she assured him, “I don’t even get why you’re so bad at this. You talk to girls all the time.”

“But this feels important.”

“Why?” she asked.

Michael tried to come up with a valid answer as to why it felt like a life or death situation with every encounter, but couldn’t. There was just something about this guy that felt real even if they’d never actually had a two-way conversation. Him simply sitting and listening to Michael speak in a classroom felt like a bigger, more intimate moment that getting felt up in the back of a truck in an abandoned Walgreens parking lot. He just… didn’t know how to say that out loud without sounding insane.

“I don’t know,” Michael said instead. He said it just as his phone buzzed. Michael nearly fell off the couch to grab it.

He opened it to a long, essay-worthy response from Alex. He smiled so wide it hurt.

“Oh boy, you’re a goner,” Isobel sighed. 

Michael melted into the couch to respond.

-

_ Michael: i saw this movie today _

_ Alex: do you ever go a day where you DON’T see a movie? _

_ Michael: hardly _

_ Michael: it’s called Camp _

_ Alex: what’s it about? _

_ Michael: basically it’s a theatre camp and it was kinda long and kinda boring and the “main romance” was about cheating and the guy was a TOOOL but there were subplots of a boy discovering his sexuality via a gorgeous dream scene and acceptance and a girl who poisoned another girl to steal her role in a show _

_ Alex: how’d you find it? _

_ Michael: googled robin de jesus _

_ Alex: who is that _

_ Michael: WHHHHYYYY ARE YOU SO UNCULTURED  _

_ Michael: sorry i’m passionate about my broadway babies _

_ Alex: lol I know :) maybe I should watch it _

_ Michael: you should _

_ Michael: ALEX I LISTENED TO A MUSICAL AND I THINK YOU’LL LOVE IT _

_ Michael: I MEAN IT WAS SUPER HECKIN SAD BUT _

_ Alex: lol what is it? _

_ Michael: Bare: A Pop Opera _

_ Michael: important distinction from bare the musical which is similar but I have FEELINGS about some of the changes that i refuse to talk about  _

_ Alex: lol i believe you _

_ Alex: go on. plot please :) _

_ Michael: OKAY so basically it’s about two bros in love at catholic school and one is super in the closet and the other one is too scared because, you know, god. And the closet bro flirts with girls and stuff even though he’s sleeping with the guy because he wants to appear straight and basically he hooks up with a girl and then regrets it and tries to go back to his boy but the boy turns him down and the girl is pregnant and everyone finds out he’s gay and he overdoses and dies on stage and the moral is that the catholic church made him so ashamed that he’d rather be dead than deal with the weight of it all _

_ Michael: or something like that i only listened to the soundtrack and read the lacking wikipedia page on it _

_ Michael: the songs are fantastic _

_ Alex: OH WAIT i looked it up, i’ve heard one of the songs before. All Grown Up is some powerful shit _

_ Michael: ISN’T IT _

_ Alex: okay I’m listening to the first song now. Give me roughly three hours and i’ll give you a detailed response on my opinions _

_ Michael: no no give me live reactions. I’m a slut for live reactions. _

_ Alex: okay. The harmonies? On motherfucking point _

_ Michael: knew it _

_ Alex: MICHAEL I READ THIS BOOK _

_ Michael: oh you did? I didn’t know you could do that _

_ Alex: shut up _

_ Alex: it’s called Aristotle and Dante Discover The Secrets Of the Universe _

_ Michael: by fall out boy? _

_ Alex: alright that’s it, no more commentary  _

_ Michael: NOOOOOO come back i’m sorry _

_ Alex: okay okay okay adlkjfal;skjdf it’s about two boys and they meet when they’re kinda young and they grow up together and one is so firmly into the other and they spend all the time together and they’re so fiercely protective of each other, but one moves away and they write letters and the one who moved away discovers he’s gay while he’s away and basically he comes back and he’s firmly out and they go back to spending all the time together and ari is like “i’m straight” and dante is like “okaly dokaly” and it takes a hate crime (which is lame) but ari’s parents have to sit him down and they’re like “okay. I hate to break this to you. But you love him” and ari is like WHAT? NO and shit and then he has his epiphany and they make out in the back of a truck under the stars in the desert _

_ Michael: i want to make out with someone under the stars in the back of my truck in the desert _

_ Alex: YOU’RE MISSING THE POINT _

_ Alex: basically it’s not explicitly stated, but ari is 100% bi (i think) and i think you’ll relate to him and michael you need to read this book i’ll give it to you tomorrow _

_ Michael: okay I’ll read it. Maybe not as fast as you, but I will _

_ Michael: if you make out with me under the stars in the back of my truck in the desert? _

_ Alex: bribery is a fool’s game, Guerin _

_ Michael: heterosexuality is for the weak and i’m hercules  _

_ Alex: herakles* _

_ Michael: fuck off _

_ Alex: what’d you do that made you feel very not heterosexual  _

_ Michael: woke up this morning _

_ Michael: nah, but a lady my mom knows who always tells me to date her daughter told me it again today and i looked her in the eye and said “i’d rather your son” and i think i almost gave her a stroke _

_ Alex: my hero  _

_ Michael: coffee after school? _

_ Alex: you wanna hang out after school? _

_ Michael: i want coffee and i want to talk about aristotle and dante and i talk faster than i text _

_ Michael: the crashdown? They make the best coffee after morning time _

_ Alex: okay :) _

_ Michael: i know that it’s 2 in the morning and you’re asleep but i just watched brokeback mountain again and i’m ugly crying in bed and i felt the need to tell you how free i feel. I’m here, i’m queer, and if someone has a problem with it, they might actually get charged with a hate crime for once _

_ Michael: not that i want to get beat up to test it _

_ Michael: i’m just free. I’m free. _

_ Alex: ❤️️ _

_ - _

“And that’s when I accidentally found myself on Mars and had a candy bar crafted by Abe Lincoln who resides there now.”

“Fun.”

Ingrid sighed, “Michael Guerin, if you do not put that damn phone down I’m taking it away.”

That one, Michael heard. He put it down on the table gently, Alex’s message still displayed on the screen. It wasn’t his fault he’d spent the last two weeks glued to it, it was 100% Alex’s. He was just far too much fun to talk to.

“Okay, tell me about the girl,” Ingrid insisted. He blinked innocently at her. She gave him that motherly look and put her fork down. “Or boy. I know you, Michael, you don’t ever spend that much time on your phone and smiling at it like it just told you how lovely your eyes are.”

Michael felt his face turn red and he focused on his vegan pad thai instead of his mother. That was much easier to face.

“It’s nothing.”

“Oh, yeah right. C’mon, spill,” she urged, childishly kicking his shin under the table. Michael smiled helplessly. 

“It’s just some guy,” he sighed, “The guy I told you about before, the one who doesn’t speak.”

“That explains the texting,” she said.

“Mom, he’s so funny. And smart. And sweet. And, Mom,” he said, looking up to her with the most serious look on the planet, “He hates Casablanca as much as I do.”

Ingrid gasped, her hand going to her chest, “Oh my god, he’s perfect.”

“I know!” Michael exclaimed, leaning back in his seat, “I just… don’t know if he’s into me or even into guys.”

“Baby, just ask,” she said. Michael scoffed.

“It’s not that easy.”

“Why not? He knows you’re bisexual, right? Well, just ask him out,” she said because apparently, it was that easy. It was never that easy. He simply shrugged. 

“I’ll think about it.”

“Mhm,” she hummed. He still gave a small smile as he went back to his meal.

The next day, he very quickly brought this conversation to Isobel whenever he saw her in the parking lot of school. Max lurked beside them, yet out of the conversation because his book was far more important than Michael’s boy problems. 

“I think you should do it,” Isobel said. Michael looked at her like she’d lost it. “You’ve been talking to him for, what, two months?”

“Three.”

“Jesus, what’s the worst that could happen?”

“Rejection.”

“Well, that’s not that bad.”

“Maybe not to you!” 

Isobel rolled her eyes. While the idea of that weight on his shoulders was actually terrifying, Michael  _ was  _ eager to get some alone time with Alex. Even if it didn’t end the way Isobel thought. Plus, a movie felt like a good way to start the hanging out process. You know, hanging out that wasn’t coffee with Liz lurking around. So, he told him.

It took a while, but, just as the bell rang, he got his response.

_ Alex: sounds fun :) _

Michael nearly screamed.

-

Michael tapped anxiously against the steering wheel as he waited outside the Crashdown. This was where they agreed to meet and then Michael would drop him off here and he would walk home. Michael had asked why he couldn’t just bring him home, but Alex insisted this would be easier.

That whole thing became a lot harder to think about whenever Alex came out of the Crashdown looking like a fucking God.

He was still wearing his typical black jeans, but he was now wearing a long-sleeved black t-shirt instead of a jacket and  _ fucking eyeliner.  _ Michael forgot how to breathe. It was infinitely harder to play it cool when Alex got into the passenger seat. Michael gave his steering wheel one final slap.

“Hey,” Michael said, turning to him. Alex gave him a little nod as he faced him too. Michael learned early on that when Alex made an effort to face him, it was on par with any other person greeting him with a hug. Alex just started a few steps more conservative than everyone else. He wondered when he would know when it was okay to actually touch him. “Okay, let’s go.”

The drive to the drive-in was short and filled with classic rock music that Alex seemed to enjoy. Whenever Michael would look over, Alex would have his head rested against the window and his eyes closed. That felt like the biggest bucket of trust if there ever was one.

Michael knew Alex very well. They texted all day and night about everything, but obviously, things were a little different in person. It helped to know that the person Alex was in text was inside the more contained version of him that everyone saw. Michael had a million questions he never asked about why he couldn’t just let him in in person if he could let him in over the phone.

They parked in the middle of the area because that had the best view of the screen. He figured they’d be watching in silence for the whole thing, so he wanted to have a good view. Not that that was a bad thing.

“Hey, just so you know, this movie is trash,” Michael said after a moment. Alex blinked at him with those big eyes and Michael smiled helplessly at them. “You ever seen it?” Alex shook his head slowly. “Well, I’d give you a run down, but we’re about to watch it.” Alex pulled out his phone and typed quickly before showing it to him.

_ Tell me anyway _

Michael smiled even wider and got to telling him the plot of the movie. Even when the movie started, they ignored it in favor of Michael’s shitty retelling. They kept leaning closer as Michael spoke softer, trying not to be total assholes to people around them by being too loud.

“So, then they get the knock off Cyberman to babysit for them,” Michael said. Alex furrowed his eyebrows in confusion which was the most expressive face Michael had ever seen him make. He smiled wider. “Okay, I should’ve specified that he doesn’t always look like a Cyberman.” 

Then Alex smiled. For the first time, Alex smiled. And Michael couldn’t help himself.

“You have the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen,” he said. Alex immediately looked down and Michael mentally cursed himself. “Sorry, I just… You do.”

Michael tried not to back down from his statement. Every other time he’d stood his ground and tried, it worked for him. He was going to make this work for him. Or, he was going to accept rejection with the fact that he tried.

However, the longer Alex stayed completely still, the harder it was to not offer to immediately take him home.

“I like you, Alex,” Michael said instead, hoping that total reassurance would be helpful, “I’ve liked you since I first saw you in middle school. I’ve been trying to find ways to speak to you since then and when I realized I was running out of time, I tried. Now I’m trying again. I like you. I want… I want this to be a date. I don’t care that you can’t speak. The way we communicate now works great, so don’t feel like… don’t feel like this is bad.”

Alex stayed still for even longer. Michael started counting in his head, making a deal with himself that if he got to 100, he would just take Alex home.

He got to 97 by the time Alex looked up.

“Hi,” Michael whispered. The corner of Alex’s lips twitched up just a bit, but it was enough. Michael leaned in more. “Do you like me too?” Alex gulped visibly but nodded. Michael relaxed a bit more. “Can I kiss you?” Alex’s eyes widened just a little, but he gave another tiny nod.

Michael sucked in a breath and tried not to get himself too worked up. This was only what he’d been dreaming about since he was 13 and decided boys were hot and Alex Manes was god tier. He kept it just like 13-year-old him would have, a two-second peck without any touching other than their lips. 

“Was that okay?” Michael asked softly. Alex opened his eyes, those long lashes tickling Michael’s cheek. They stared very close for a second. And then that Alex that was saved for texting conversation came out.

Alex grabbed Michael’s jaw with one hand and put the other one on the back of his head, pulling him impossibly close and kissing him senseless. It was hard to figure out where exactly Alex had learned to do that or if it was just fucking amazing instinct, but Michael very quickly decided that wasn’t important. He let Alex take the lead, let Alex make each move first. It was unexpectedly hot.

Alex was the one who grabbed Michael’s hair with purpose. It was Alex who opened his mouth and pushed his tongue past Michael’s lips. It was Alex who moved closer. Michael wanted to ask where all this confidence came from, but he was terrified that it would stop. He never wanted it to stop.

When it eventually had to pause, Alex took a deep breath with his lips still hovering over Michael’s. It was the most unfair thing that had ever happened in his life. 

“So, I take it you’re not straight?” Michael asked. Again, Alex smiled. Again, Alex kissed him.

The movie didn’t last long enough in Michael’s opinion. He eventually had to tear himself away because Alex had a curfew and an alarm to remind him of that curfew. They eventually separated completely and Michael got a gorgeous, gorgeous view of Alex’s flushed face and swollen lips.

“I want to stare at you forever," Michael said. Alex simply rolled his eyes and pulled the collar of his shirt over his nose, effectively hiding his red cheeks and his gorgeous smile. Michael leaned over and kissed the side of his head for extra measure.

On the drive back to the Crashdown, they sat closer. Somewhere along the way, Michael grabbed his hand. Alex didn't pull away. Neither of them was quite sure what this meant, but it was something. It was only shitty whenever they got to the Crashdown and Alex's father was standing there with his arms crossed.

Alex snatched his hand away and looked like a deer caught in headlights. Michael didn't know what to say. His father was clearly not happy and Alex seemed to be all too aware of it. Michael looked over at him.

"Are you okay?' Michael asked. Alex's eyes flickered towards him once more before quickly climbing out of the truck.

Michael watched as his father grabbed him by the arm and basically dragged him to their Jeep. He waited until the door was closed to start screaming at Alex as if that would prevent anyone else from hearing it. Michael heard all too perfectly the sea of  _ ‘what the hell is wrong with you’  _ and  _ ‘answer me’  _ and saw Alex lean his head against the window and close his eyes. This time, the closed eyes were to shield the blows of insults.

Michael watched with a heavy heart as Alex and his dad drove away.

When he looked forward, he saw Liz’s face in the window. She mouthed an exaggerated ‘I’m sorry’ to him. Michael just sighed and put his head against the steering wheel.

That’s one way to end an otherwise fantastic date.

-

_ Michael: i didn’t get you in trouble, did i? _

_ Alex: nothing is your fault, i promise _

_ Alex: my dad just kinda sucks. _

_ Michael: but you still have your phone, so it’s not the worst? _

_ Alex: I had fun with you tonight. _

_ Michael: me too :) _

_ Michael: can i ask you a question? _

_ Michael: you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to _

_ Alex: ok _

_ Michael: i heard your dad yelling at you… do you speak to anyone at all ever? _

_ Alex: liz and maria sometimes when we’re completely alone _

_ Michael: ah _

_ Alex: it’s a comfort thing _

_ Michael: you’re not comfortable with me? _

_ Michael: (sorry if that sounds mean i’m just curious) _

_ Alex: i AM comfortable with you, but it’s more complicated than that. My brain doesn’t really listen to me. No matter how much i want to, it’s not gonna happen unless my brain decides that theres 100% no threat _

_ Alex: i’m sorry i can’t speak to you _

_ Michael: no worries, i think it works just fine like this :) _

_ Alex: ❤️️ _

_ Michael: you wanna talk about your dad? _

_ Alex: literally why would i ever want to do that _

_ Michael: because talking about your feelings is important and shit _

_ Alex: oh how comforting you sound _

_ Michael: :) _

_ Alex: my dad is a dick, what more can i say? _

_ Michael: does he know that if he didn’t yell at you, you might one day become comfortable enough to speak to him? _

_ Alex: he doesn’t actually care _

_ Alex: he assumes that whatever is wrong with me is my mother’s fault and he’s still pissed at her for leaving him _

_ Michael: why didn’t she take you with her? _

_ Alex: idk _

_ Michael: i’m sorry _

_ Alex: stop apologizing _

_ Michael: i willllllll _

_ Alex: youuuu kissed me _

_ Michael: i did and you kissed me back _

_ Michael: so… what does that make us? _

_ Alex: people who made out at a drive-in _

_ Michael: that’s it? _

_ Alex: is there something else? _

_ Michael: Boyfriends. _

_ Alex: ooh becoming official over the phone? Romantic _

_ Michael: BE THAT WAY THEN _

_ Alex: Wait noooooo come back _

_ Alex: i want a boyfriend _

_ Michael: I can go ask Max, i think he could be into it _

_ Alex: :( _

_ Michael: fiiiiine i’ll go ask myself, i’m sure i’ll be into it _

_ Michael: update: i am, we’re boyfriends now _

_ Alex: :) _

_ - _

“Hey, Mom, can someone give consent if they don’t speak?”

“What the hell did you do?”

Michael rolled his eyes as he sat at the barstool. Ingrid had turned away from the pan on the stove to look at him a no-nonsense look on her face. He just flashed a big smile.

“Nothing, that’s why I asked,” he said. She let out a heavy breath and placed her hand over her heart.

“Don’t scare me like that,” she told him. He twisted in the barstool a little.

He and Alex had been successfully going out for nearly a month now. Graduation was coming up, he was set to go to UNM, Alex had a job lined up with one of his mom’s friends in that area, and life was just really fucking good. He was proud of himself for even getting that far in anything. To think he was just a fucking problem child for so long.

“Well, it is a serious question,” Michael said, “Like, can someone give consent if they don’t speak?”

“It’s very adult of you to come to me about this,” she told him, moving the pot off the stove to come closer. He smiled and shrugged.

Really it was because he didn’t know what else to do. That wasn’t exactly something he could Google, he couldn’t ask any of Alex’s friends, and he was scared to even talk to Alex about it in fear that he might take it the wrong way. That left his mom.

The last few times they’d hung out, it’d gotten pretty hot and heavy and Michael had to stop. It was really fucking hard, but he did it and Alex never seemed to have any offended or thankful opinion on the matter. He was still just flirtatious as fuck over the phone and shy in person until their eyes were closed.

“Does Alex know that you’re asking me about this?” his mom asked. Michael pursed his lips and shook his head.

“No,  _ but  _ I felt it was better to be prepared.”

“Well, listen, it’s hard for me to give advice in this situation because I’m biased. You’re my baby and my heart wants me to tell you absolutely not and give you a chastity belt,” she said, reaching over to pat his hair. He rolled his eyes again. “But you really just have to ask him. His lack of speaking doesn’t make him any less of an 18-year-old. He’s a very smart boy from what I understand, he can make that decision on his own.”

“Okay, but it’s a comfort thing, so, if he still can’t speak to me, then it means he’s not 100% comfortable with me, right? So what if he feels like I’m pressuring him? Because I don’t want to do that,” Michael explained. Ingrid smiled and sighed, her shoulders dropping. She looked proud of him. That was a lot to take.

“If  _ you’re _ unsure, then just wait. There’s no rush,” she promised him.

Michael nodded. No rush. 

-

“Cheers!”

“That better not be alcohol!”

“ _ Papi _ , it’s not!”

The small group in the back of the Crashdown laughed at the father and daughter interaction, all except Liz who rolled her eyes at the accusation.

“He served us, you’d think he’d know it’s not alcohol,” she grumbled, earning another round of chuckling. 

Michael looked over to Alex and gave him an extra clink to his glass. They were now officially no longer high school students. Three hours before, they’d walked the stage and got their diplomas (all except Alex who opted out of walking like the lucky bastard he was). It was just too surreal.

“I gotta hand it to you,” Maria said, tipping her head in Michael’s direction. Liz and Max were wrapped up in a conversation and Isobel had Alex wrapped up in a vine compilation, leaving them basically alone in their exchange. “I really thought I was gonna kick your ass.”

“I told you I had no intention to hurt him,” Michael insisted. Maria smiled and took a sip of her drink.

“I’m glad you didn’t. He’s happy,” Maria said. Alex looked up at that moment with eyes that said  _ ‘I can hear you’.  _ They both just stuck their tongues out at him. It reminded Michael of when Alex had insisted that he and Maria were far too similar to tolerate in the same room at the same time.

Still, Michael threw his arm around his shoulders and pulled him closer, pressing a kiss to his temple.

“Aw, and to think this is all my doing,” Isobel cooed.

“Your doing? I’m the one who gave Michael his number,” Maria pointed out.

“Excuse you both,  _ I’m  _ the one who pined for years and eventually grew a pair, so my doing,” Michael insisted. Alex turned his face into Michael’s shoulder before a smile became apparent. Michael squeezed his hand beneath the table.

Eventually, it got late and they could only party on a Wednesday night in the back of Liz’s dad’s restaurant for so long. Liz and Maria went upstairs, Max and Isobel went to drive home, and that left Michael and Alex. Technically, Alex was supposed to walk home. Although he was 18, his dad was still a tyrant and he needed to stay in his good graces until they could finally go to Albuquerque and get away from him.

However, Michael had one last idea.

“Hey,” he said, “Wanna go make out in the desert in the bed of my truck finally?”

Alex grinned so wide it all but relit the sun.

Michael had driven out to the desert many times in his life, so he knew exactly where to go. He wouldn’t lie, he was feeling a bit giddy about the whole thing. Well, about life in general. He was finally going to make something of himself and he had a fucking  _ high school sweetheart  _ like a total loser and he couldn’t feel better about it.

“I’m so fucking excited, Alex,” he vented as they drove, Alex tucked into his side, “Life’s gonna be great up there. We’re gonna thrive.” Alex pressed a kiss to his jaw. “And, on break and shit, if you wanna come back down and stay with me, Mom won’t care. She loves you. Or if you wanna go to school ever, you could. You can do anything, seriously, this is gonna be great. God, we’re fucking adults!”

Michael pulled to a stop only a few yards away from the turquoise mines. This was his favorite fucking place. No one ever came out there which meant there was no chance of anyone catching him and Alex. And, if they did, who cared?

They both climbed into the back of the truck and basically laughed their way into each other’s embrace. Their lips met for the first time that day and Michael pulled him close, smiling helplessly. This was the beginning of their whole lives. 

“I’m so happy I talked to you,” Michael whispered somewhere in between kisses. Alex was beneath him with his hands cradling his face and his legs making room for him to lay between. “I’m so happy I met you. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

Alex huffed a laugh and shook his head, pulling him down for a kiss. He knew Alex didn’t actually believe that, but it didn’t stop him from telling him. He’d spilled basically his entire life story to Alex and Alex had spilled his. They both knew everything about each other. It was easily the most legit relationship Michael had ever been in. No wonder it was the one he was going to college with.

As the night dragged on, things began to feel a little more real. The kisses got slower and it was harder to think about anything other than Alex Manes and the way it felt to kiss him. Alex continuously pulled them closer, squeezing Michael’s hips with thighs and letting his hands roam. It wasn’t until his hands started to mess with the belt holding up Michael’s admittedly very expensive slacks that he pulled away.

“Do you wanna?” he asked softly, opening his eyes to see Alex’s head nod. Instead, Alex’s lips parted.

“Yes,” he breathed, his voice a little hoarse and very quiet. His eyes didn’t open, happily staying in his bubble of this moment. Michael didn’t pop it. 

He kissed him again and got to removing his shirt, trying not to show how giddy he was at hearing that voice and knowing he’d been granted access to something so fucking sacred. He wondered if this was a one-time thing or if they’d shattered into a new level of comfort. Whichever it may be, it made Michael even more excited for their future.

This really was everything.

**Author's Note:**

> also on my tumblr: spaceskam


End file.
